We were at a birthday party last night for some family members. It’s always a good time to get together with family. This party was especially fun as the kids and I got to show off a little bit. Isaac and his buddies at school must have been talking about spitballs because he asked me to show him how to properly make and deploy a first-class spitball. When he asked, he even had straws for he, Abigail and me…I guess he figured what my answer would be.
We headed out to the front porch and I discussed proper spitball construction material, the physics of flight and viscosity issues with cold-weather spitballing. All-in-all, I think they received a pretty thorough crash-course in spitball mechanics.
Of course, we took dozens of practice shots at each other. I was able to score hits on both kids…above the neck…before I ran inside to shelter. Isaac and Abigail devised a master plan to lure the unsuspecting adults outside into the “shooting range”. They begged and pleaded and sounded pathetic…every trick they could come up with to get some adult outside to help them with their “problem”. Finally Granddad picked the short straw and took one for the adult team.
I was proud of the kids for the expression of their new-found knowledge. The three of us stood and looked out over the valley. We saw the future as we stood there waiting for our straws to cool. My newborn nephew was at this party and the kids and I schemed about all of the fun things we will teach him. See, I am all about passing on important and useful information to younger generations!
If they were my kid, I would be expecting the call from the school principle any day now.
Nice! Warren you are such a great teacher! Next they will want to learn how to make potato guns. 🙂
Why am I not surprised this is one of your areas of excellence? I am sure this was a selling point for Emily. You know girls like a guy with skillz.
That brings back memories from the 8th grade way back when… I had an English teacher who would sleep through class. The boys would throw spitballs at her all through class. She would wake up with them everywhere! She would have spitballs on her glasses! I had an older cousin who had her said that was what she did when he had her. I had another cousin a good 10 years younger than me that had her and that is what she did when he had her. That woman taught school, no, I mean she slept through work for well over 15 years.
Spitballing is, indeed, an important skill. As are armpit farts, grass whistling, rolling your tongue into odd shapes, repetitive noise making, and whistling one note for miles and miles in a car. I’m glad the next generation in your family is not suffering from a lack of useful knowledge.
Remember Aunt Betty teaching you how to blow straw papers in restaurants? She loved that. It doesn’t work so good now because the papers are too tight on the straws or I’d teach your kids!!!
I hope you have also taught them about wedgies, wet willies, running underwear up the flagpole, tacks on the teachers chair, and all of the other fun things that make a principal’s day.
Cute! I’m glad you’re making an effort to enlighten the youth of our great land : )
Have I said? You are a good dad.
A good one.
It bears repeating.
It seems like the kids have made this a thing they do at the grandparents’ houses only…and that suits me fine!