Sometimes I dislike being a parent. I like being friends with people (well, sort of…I don’t really like people all that much honestly, but friends are usually good I have heard). It’s easy to get along with most people. I guess a big part of that is because I don’t have a gigantic vested interest in the details of their lives. Surely I care about my friends, but they are all adults and make their own decisions.
I want to teach/allow my kids to make their own decisions, but sometimes that just doesn’t work. It seems like Isaac and I have been fighting lately about homework (mostly). He doesn’t really care if things are done or turned in, so long as he “gets it”. Well, I “get that”, but there comes a time when one has to just do what is required. Honestly, I think homework and the idea of proving one knows the material is a good thing. So, we just clash. You know, I think I hate to clash with the kids more than just about anything else in the world. Some folks might think I am an antagonist (and maybe I am), but I always try to be patient, even in the face of smart-aleck responses. I am torn between teaching my kids to respect authority and allowing them the freedom to express their emotions however they see fit. It’s difficult and I often wonder if I am doing anything right in this mess called parenting. Sometimes, it just sucks.
Of course, it is worth it, doing the best I can for the kids…I just wish they came with instruction manuals!
he hehe he
Nervous laughter, from recognition and sympathy, and a bit of exhaustion.
Amen! I had a Garth that didn’t think he had to prove that he could do the work. He thought that as long as he knew it then it didn’t matter if anyone else knew that he knew. He turned out great so be patient, push him to prove that he knows it and he’ll do just fine in life.
Oh yes, rewards work great!
Warren, I have 3 kids, ages 18, 15 and 11. It is, by far, the hardest job I’ve ever had! It can most certainly suck eggs. I, like you, hate to fight with my kids. I think to do the job right though, you have to be willing to fight. Otherwise they move back in with you when they’re 23 and live in your basement.
Some battles are important. School work is one of them. My sister tells my kids–“It’s all about hoops. You may not like the teacher or the subject, but you gotta jump through the hoops. Your whole life will be filled with hoops. Make the best of them and move on.” She doesn’t have kids, but I think she’s right on the money.
Isaac only has a few weeks left and then he can let his brain ooze out his ears. Remind him he only has a few hoops left for this school year.
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I don’t have any kids yet but I do know that parenting “ain’t” easy.
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I think what you’re doing is right—acknowledging his feelings, but making him do what is required. I always tell my daughter (7), “You don’t have to like it, but you have to do it.”
Keep up the good work/fight! He’s worth it. 🙂
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I remember so clearly my 5th grade year, because that year marked huge conflict between myself and my mom over homework. I stopped doing homework and that just wasn’t acceptable. So my mom had to micromanage me (I had to write it down and have my teacher sign it each day) and we had to study for tests together. It was torture, and I did end up losing some major privileges over the whole thing. But I definitely learned from it and after 5th grade passed, the issue resolved itself (mostly because I wanted my independence back, lol, so I proved I could be trustworthy again).
I’m sure you’re doing a great job, and Isaac will thank you for it later. Like 30 years from now 😉
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..And You Thought I was Strange Before =-.
As my good friend Jip the Farm Dog says, “you gotta pick your hills to die on”. School work would probably be one of those hills.
I think that some parts of parenting are so hard, because there ARE some important life lessons to be learned. Not everything in school is worth learning, but sometimes the process is. You might mention to Isaac that doing and turning in his homework is important because our society is based on certain ways of doing things. Or else you go to jail.
We don’t particularly like spending so much money on taxes and car and house and health insurance. I don’t like all of the rules imposed on me, but USUALLY, the rules are in place to manage a society that needs them. Not all things in life are opinion questions. And THAT is a good lesson to learn.
Just the fact that you are thinking about these things makes me think that you are a thoughtful, loving father.
I had to jump through WAY more hoops when we adopted out cats through the Humane Society than when we had our children.
Perhaps our society should revisit THAT!!!!
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My oldest bunch are now in college…the 3rd (20 yr old) now soooo wishes he had listened to us in highschool (which he barely graduated from) and is now paying the price in college and trying to learn how to study and turn in his work. There is always a price to pay for being lazy…
Then again there is a price to pay for being the harda$$ parent too.
I always figured that when he grew up at least I can say I tried to make him do his work…he always knew I cared about it. So now my conscience is clear (well at least on that subject anyway!)and now he is lying in a bed of his own making… Kim
.-= the inadvertent farmer´s last blog ..Rhododendrons in the Pacific Northwest a spring Perk! =-.
Kim – thanks for that…I think we are doing the right thing but I hate the tension. Like you said though, I think it’s a “pay me now or may me later” thing. Like you, we just want to get him through!