Brace Yourself

A few months ago, I went to the orthodontist to determine just how crooked my teeth are.  Sure enough…crooked.  I need braces if I intend to ever have straight teeth.  I figure I need straight teeth in order to get on Survivor which will virtually guarantee me a place on Dancing with the Stars.  When Katie Holmes watches with Tom, she’ll see me and call right away begging me to sing and dance with her on Broadway (Tom’s no good for you Katie!).  Of course, Lady Gaga will be dazzled in her seat in the theater and will ask me backstage to sing with her on the next album.  I know Brand and Angelina are hip so they certainly listen to Lady Gaga and we’ll do lunch, talk about the kids and our next new blockbuster together.  After that, I am sure that I will be a shoe-in for the White House and maybe even global rule. You see, I have it all planned out if not for these dang crooked teeth.

(I have to chew on that green thing 2x a day to force the aligners over my teeth)

I also have an ulterior motive.  Emily told me she always wanted to kiss a boy with braces when she was growing up.  I got Invisalign aligners so it’s not like real braces, but I figure I may get some mileage.  Invisalign aligners are a series of plastic molds shaped such that each transition between aligner sets moves my teeth toward their final destination.  I stay in each set of aligners for 2 weeks or so and they slowly force my teeth into position from the tension the plastic exerts on the teeth.

(that cost how much?!)

I say the aligners work slowly but when I put my first set in yesterday, it sort of felt like my teeth snapped into their slightly adjusted place (and not in an exactly pleasant way).  Even more scary was when I removed them to brush.  My head clattered as they snapped back into their old positions!

(Most of those chips are from my brother!)

Really, it takes some getting used to I guess, but they aren’t too bad.  I figure they can’t possibly be worse than metal/ceramic braces and these surely look a lot better.  I have to wear the aligners for 22 hours a day, taking them out only to eat and brush.  I can’t eat or drink with them in place so I suppose I will really cut back on my beloved Mt Dew since it isn’t worth jerking these things in and out of my head and brushing every time I want a sip.

So, I guess a year from now I will be healthier without all of the sugar and my teeth will be straighter and I’ll be even prettier (somehow…hard to imagine I know).  Lady Gaga here I come!

EDIT:  The end result!

9 thoughts on “Brace Yourself

  1. I had the old metal kind. I was so afraid of kissing a boy and getting stuck. I stayed away from the boys during that time. My teeth did get straight but some off them went back in place.

    Someone here at work had the same invisible ones. Made it hard for them to talk and you start staring at their teeth until you figure it out. I hope it is easy for you to wear and you get the straight teeth you want. After that…

    Warren for Survivor!!

  2. I’ve had braces…twice. Once as a child who did not end up wearing her retainer so I got them again in my mid 20’s. Braces suck frankly…your new fangled aligners look wonderful compared to being a brace face or metal mouth!

    Can’t wait to see you and Dancing with the Stars…we’ll call you Twinkle Toes! Kim
    .-= the inadvertent farmer´s last blog ..Tomato Napper… =-.

  3. I wore the metal braces as a teen, but also didn’t use my retainer as instructed, so my teeth could use a little help too. A co-worker of the Evil Twin used the Invisalign and she has such a gorgeous smile now. My oldest (11 yr old) will need braces in a year or two, maybe we should do them at the same time? 🙂 Depends on how expensive those Invisaligns are, I suppose!
    .-= Evil Twin’s Wife´s last blog ..Amazing Slacker =-.

  4. Katie Holmes better stay away!!! As they say in the Sookie Stackhouse books – “You are mine.”

  5. WOW, good for you! Like the others, I had metal ones as a child, and didn’t wear my retainer. Were we ALL bad kids?? 😉 Anyway, now I need them again too. So, Non-MetalMouth, please post the good and bad about them. We’re all waiting to hear!
    AND, Go get her Emily!!!
    .-= Gizmo´s last blog ..Ready to Load =-.

  6. Capri Kel – You are mean! I am such a sensitive guy too…

    Loretta – now they can’t get you to stop kissing boys…just kidding…anyhow, we should go on the Amazing Race!

    Kim – I think that’s why I never fooled with it earlier…I couldn’t see me in metal…not as an adult when I finally had the money. I am excited for these ones though!

    ETW – they quoted me the same price for invisalign and metal…so it was an easy choice. I sort of think they quote a price based on how you are dressed though…if I had it to do over, I woulda worn an old greasy wife-beater!

    Emily – you are my FAVORITE wife!

    Gizmo – I will def post more as my treatment progresses. My teeth are super tender right now so I know it’s working…but I don’t have much good to say yet…

    Caprilis – the first hour or so was awful…I was leaking spit and talking all weird and stuff. I got over it quickly though…this one woman slapped me in the grocery store…I guess she thought I was whistling at her!

  7. Wow! You got the fancy ones, huh? I had the regular old metal mouth ones minus all the rubber bands. 🙂 In fact, I just had them removed last summer. It was a painful 16 month journey, but SO worth it. Even if I couldnt eat licorice or popcorn.

    You will be so happy when its all over! Just make sure you invest in some advil!
    .-= frugalmom´s last blog ..Favorite things =-.

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