Today is picture day for the kids.  It’s always a big event as they choose their outfits and get haircuts.  You know, they do all that stuff so they look nothing like they normally do.  Abigail got to use some hairspray today and Isaac actually used a comb today.  

Anyhow, Abigail has been into clothes and looking nice and all that for awhile now.  Isaac is the funny one to me though.  Emily went through his closet the other day and made him try things on so she could clear out the small stuff.  The funny thing is that he loved trying on clothes.  I just don’t understand.  I mean, I have 7-9 pairs of nearly identical  khaki brown pants (depending on whether Emily throws some out when they get holes) and a 15 or so shirts.  I have one pair of brown shoes and a brown belt.  What else do I need?  I wanted to dress him in burlap underwear, just like my dad dressed me, so that he would get over wanting to try on clothes.  Next thing you know, he will enjoy shopping for clothes too.  What is the world coming to?!   I was, obviously, shot down on the burlap idea of course.  I did get Emily to “rock, paper, scissors” me for it though so I put up the good fight.  Anyhow, enough about that.  It was fun this morning getting ready for picture day at school.

Last night as we were setting out clothes, I got to digging around in the old picture box and found a collage of my school pictures from 1st grade through senior year.  It’s pretty funny to me to look back over the pictures.  In first grade, I was so mad because I nearly missed the picture shoot and thought I was going to be in with 2nd graders.  In 2nd and 3rd grade, I loved western shirts…I can’t explain it, but it is all I wore.  I loved my green gum boots then too and wore them all day every day too.

As time went on, I guess I got a bit more normal but something happened senior year.  All of my senior pictures…yes every one…has me in a pink shirt.  Now, I am not afraid of pink and I like plenty of people who wear pink.  I even like Pink’s music. But really, every picture in pink?  Where were my parents?  Why didn’t they stop me?  And then the photographer adds those awful poses and the blurred edges!  It was a scary time I guess.  Well, anyhow, picture day always produces some interesting results and I hope you enjoy mine!

I was thinking about stuff I like and stuff I don’t like…I thought I’d let you in on some stuff I dig and some stuff I don’t…

The beach – I like the heat.  I like the water.  I like the wind, the food, the sun, even the sand up in every part I got.  I like body sufing and staying up too late…Yes

A suit – I rarely wear a suit…in fact, only to weddings and funerals.  As a spectator in either, they feel surprisingly similar (oops, did I let that slip out?)  Occasionally something else will get me into a suit but it has to be something special…generally No

Gardening – I can’t think of much I’d rather do on a summer day.  I like having dirt in my hands, free chemical-free food all around, and my bees buzzing…Yes

Managing our money – I am capable of managing a check book.  I am detail oriented and analytical but, for some reason, I absolutely hate messing with money.  I think Emily hates it too but I can out arm-wrestle her…No

Working on the house – I take pride in working on the house for some strange reason…this project just feels like money in the bank…Yes

Housework – I don’t mind most housework but I do a lot of it wrong.  I actually do sweep and handle dishes and toilets, but I am absolutely not allowed to touch laundry/ironing… No

I am not sure why any of you would care about any of these things…but humor me – it’s  Friday!

Do you have things that are pretty much a clear yes or no?

I have been addicted to caffeine for at least 20 years.  Typically, I use Mt Dew as the delivery mechanism and it has long been my best friend (yeah, yeah, aside from my wife).  All through college, I drank Mt Dew for all 3 meals and for all snacks in between.

When my kids were born, I celebrated with a 2 liter of Mt Dew (and Krispy Kreme donuts which was across the road from Bapist Hospital in Nashville).  I had my will drafted such that they were to embalm me with Mt Dew (which I had partly completed already) and bury me in a Mt Dew uniform sitting in the driver’s seat of a Mt Dew truck.  Mt Dew is, clearly, a sickness!

Five or seven years ago, I had some sort of affliction which ER doctors initially thought was a heart attack.  I never got a concrete diagnosis, but they determined it was not a heart attack.  They suggested, however, that it was probably a result of stress and too much caffeine.  Since I considered this incredibly important, I decided this weekend to bite the bullet and get off of caffeine.  I have played at this off and on several times.  As any of you fellow addicts out there know, the headaches from detoxing from caffeine are terrible and insatiable.  I just had to tough it out.  On Tuesday, I was feeling all weird and moody which I think was directly related to caffeine withdrawal. I am pleased to report that today,  I am caffeine free!

But there is a void in my life…what is to take the place of my old, former-friend Mt Dew?  I just discovered that Mt Dew has a lesser known red-headed step-brother named “Caffeine-Free Mt Dew”!  Caffeine-Free Mt Dew and I have been striking up quite a friendship lately…

We watch tv together

We  catch naps together

We go fishing together

I even had a new family picture made with C-F-M-D

It seems that things are looking up on our hilltop!  I have  a new best friend!

We got a fierce hankering for some steaks cooked on the grill over the weekend.  As usual, when I am most in need of a beef infusion, I found that we were out of propane.  I hopped in my man-van and headed to the store.  Despite the strange look from the lady at the propane exchange (you know, the look – “it’s February, are you seriously grilling…in the snow?” ), I ordered up a propane tank to go.  “If you’ve got the money, I’ve got the time” she said and happily took my $20.66.  I hefted the propane tank into the man-van and headed for home.  To properly prepare myself for the task ahead of me, I buckled up and tuned the xm radio to the Willie Nelson station to stir my inner cowboy.  Willie and I were  “On the Road Again”, and I could already taste the smoke and the hair burned off of my arms, mixing to create that oh-so familiar outdoor grill aroma.

Somewhere along the way home, the propane tank must have fallen on its side and rolled against the sliding side door.  Willie and I were having such “Good times” that I didn’t hear the move.  I jumped out, slung the door open and the tank fell, handle down, directly onto my left foot.  I instantly saw stars and began to cuss a blue streak.  I really needed a swim in a “Whiskey River” to cut the pain.  I was certain the tank had split my shoe and exposed the inside parts of my foot.  Oh my word did it hurt.  Anyhow, I finally was able to stand up and hobble to the door so Emily could see my “Blue Eyes Cryin’ in the rain”.

Now, a mere foot amputation is not enough to keep me from my steak, so I sucked it up and cooked a couple of perfect steaks (which the kids doused in ketchup) and went on with my evening.  The next morning, however, was a different story.  It was severe pain, even compared “To all the girls I loved before”.  Yesterday, I decided I needed to get it x-rayed (yup, the pic at the top is my foot) to make sure it wasn’t broken.  If I didn’t, I knew the pain and doubt would be “Always on my mind”.

It turns out that a machine such as me cannot be damaged by a mere propane tank falling on my foot.  I guess some of the tendons of muscles or something are bruised but I am apparently all in one piece.  I will just have to hobble through a few more days until it all heals.

Oh yeah, all of the things  in quotes are titles to Willie Nelson songs…despite his love of “herbal remedies” for pain, he is still a pretty cool singer…but Gravity…she’s a nasty bugger!

Most people have pretty much the same list of favorite holidays – Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, 4th of July, etc.  I know of very few people who put Groundhog Day anywhere on their list.  Well, Groundhog Day is my second favorite holiday after Christmas.  I am absolutely serious about this.  I grew up a mere 60 miles from Punxsutawney, PA, home of Punxsutawney Phil, the one true Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of Prognosticators and Weather Predictor Extroidinaire.  Many towns and burroughs claim to have weather telling critters but they are all frauds.  It’s blasphemy…BLASPHEMY!  Anyhow, some might say that my affinity for Phil is related to my hometown favoritism or my pride as a former Pennsylvanian.  I tell you the truth when I say that it means so much more to me than something as trivial as geography.

To get to the heart of it, let me give you a little background on groundhog day.  First, the modern Groundhog Day tradition is centered around a groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil.  For the past 123 years (his longevity made possible by his yearly consumption of the elixir of life), on February 2, Phil  emerges from his temporary home on Gobbler’s Knob, located in Punxsutawney, PA, to predict the coming of spring.  According to the tradition, if Phil sees his shadow and returns to his hole, the United States will have six more weeks of winter.  If Phil does not see his shadow, spring will arrive early. 

The tradition really precedes Phil, however.  The holiday, which began as a Pennsylvania German custom in southeastern and central Pennsylvania in the 18th and 19th centuries, has its origins in ancient European weather lore, wherein a badger or sacred bear is the prognosticator as opposed to a groundhog.   The holiday also bears some similarities to the medieval Catholic holiday of Candlemas, which takes place on or around the same date.  This is ancient stuff and not to be taken lightly!

So, why is Groundhog Day so important to me?  Around this time of year, I absolutely begin to crave summer.  I get a mild case of the blues each winter as the days get shorter and the nights get colder (along with my wife’s feet!)  I always view Groudhog Day as the turning point.  Regardless of what Phil predicts, my hope for spring renews on Groundhog Day.  Spring is near and I have survived another winter.  I begin to come out of my hibernation and try to figure out how to shed this hibernation weight.  I start to wonder how my bees are faring through the winter and I anticipate their buildup and the budding of the maples.  I run through garden configurations and summer projects and I can almost smell the daffodils as they peek through the fading snow.  Spring hope starts for me on Groundhog Day.  I am counting on you Phil!

Late breaking news:  Phil has predicted 6 more weeks of winter.  Rats!

For Christmas this year, Emily got me the entire DVD collection of the Dukes of Hazzard.  As a kid of the 70s and 80s, I was fortunate to enjoy some of the greatest television shows ever made – M*A*S*H, The Dukes of Hazzard, Knight Rider, Air Wolf, Cheers, and the Smurfs.  I am delighted to watch the Dukes of Hazzrd with my kids as I am pretty sure that I was Isaac’s age when I was first really drawn to the Duke boys.

So, we got down to business watching the series from episode 1 (which, by the way, explains a lot of stuff about the series). The kids and I giggled and cackled and have been singing the DoH song at the top of our lungs.  It has been a great trip down memory lane.  I distinctly remember playing the Dukes in second grade.  Mrs. Kuhn’s desk made for a great General Lee and her yard stick was a perfect bow for me to shoot my dynamite arrows.  It was an awesome time to be a kid.  I guess it is posible that any time you are a kid, it’s an awesome time…but seriously, I had the Dukes of Hazzard to grow up on!  My best pal at  the time acquired a generic tv guide that had Daisy Duke on the cover.  You know Daisy, the prettiest woman ever (aside from my lovely wife)!  Anyhow, we knew we had something special but we also had enough information about the birds and the bees to know we couldn’t just parade around with the thing either.  Brainstorm…we found an old plastic lunch box my uncle gave me and gently laid Daisy into the box and set to work digging.  She remains buried somewhere in my parents’ yard to this day.  Anyhow, Isaac started talking about shooting a  yard stick bow and arrow and I knew we’d started a proper education for our kids.  Here are some things I learned:

– The good guys win…sometimes it’s hard to know who the good guys are at first, and they don’t always wear a white hat (or drive a Cadillac with horns).  They almost always have a dynamite tipped arrow and a bow on hand though.

-A lady is to be respected and treated right. The extent of her lady-likeness is inversely proportional to the length of her shorts.

-A properly waxed hood is important for proper aerodynamics and fuel efficiency and is properly buffed with one size too small Wranglers.

-I married WV’s finest Duke girl.  She was cute then and is even cuter now!

So, I learned some lessons, but I am left with several questions, namely about how the human species propagated itself through the 1970s.  I think I first mentioned this question after seeing Soylent Green.  Hair styles and clothes, and goofy come-on lines should have excluded most people from spreading their DNA.  Even if folks somehow got around that problem, I cannot imagine how the men had sufficient “swimmers” to make the trip.  I saw way too much of Bo Duke, if you know what I mean.  The Duke boys wore jeans that were at least two sizes too small.  Well, I don’t want to say too much more to embarrass myself so I’ll leave the rest to you.  “I may be crazy, but I ain’t stupid, this is crazy Warren, over and out!”